Coming Soon

Hey guys so i know I've totally stopped blogging for like a week and I feel so bad. But the good news is I will be able to produce more blogs, more often & more efficiently. I'm currently moving back to my home town of NYC =) and they aren't going to install my Internet for a while. So bare with me guys. better content coming soon =D

Love is Fire

Love is like fire that burns for all to see, 

So let that fire consume your life and burn for all to see

 PleaseDefineLove.blogspot.com

Girl V Boy

PleaseDefineLove.blogspot.com

The Absent Husband

           Married three years, dated seven and here I am, with a two-year old child and one on the way. I thought I knew him, I've known him for so long. When we dated he listened, he understood, he gave me his shoulder to cry on. Now... well now its the opposite, he never listens, he doesn't understand and he's the one that makes me cry. When we decided to get married everyone was happy for us. Even a year into marriage he was that kind gentle person I fell in love with, that guy that came home with flowers on a regular Wednesday afternoon, the guy that helped cook, watched T.V. with, laughed with, loved with. But now he's different. Even our friends and family see it. Ever since Kristy was born it's like he doesn't even want to be around me. Sure he works and provides for us but he's never around. He acts like Kristy is a chore, like he can leave and attend her later. He complains about everything. How nasty changing a diaper is, how dirty the house gets, how dinner isn't always done. If he was home more often maybe I could get some help with Kristy so that I could cook and clean. But all he wants to do is be away from me. He's always with his friends, planning activities, going out. Where did that warm heartfelt person I feel in love with go? It's like everyday we fight, everyday we argue but its not like we're dating, we're married and have children. I've gotten to a point where I'm just depressed all the time, I hardly go out, I always have to attend to Kristy by myself plus I'm expecting, its like .... it's like I'm a single parent but with the extra baggage of an non-supportive husband and I don't know what to do.

It's very difficult to get married with a person you thought was going to be the perfect husband and eventually the perfect father and then realized that he didn't live up to your expectations. That he changed, all you guys do is argue. But it's even worse when you have children. Every time you argue, it's the child that is directly affected. Children always sense when things are wrong, they get tense, scared and worried. Many scenarios go through their minds about situations they can't yet comprehend. But here's a reality check....When you got married and thought you were marring the perfect person, that was your biggest mistake, because you have to remember NO MAN is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, even you. When both of you got married you both had expectations for the other person.   This idea that either of you were perfect was an absolute let down that can cause many doubts in one another. Counseling provides you with someone out of your immediate circle to give advise and help guide your marriage from an outside perspective. It is always good to seek counseling no matter how small an issue maybe. Because without counseling a little problem left without being addressed can soon become a great dilemma. It's very hard to admit that you may  have let your husband down, sometimes its even more difficult for a man to admit his wrongs. But if he tries to make things better, don't shut him down, its his way to say "I'm sorry." Today might be a simple gesture or action and then may come the actual words "I'm sorry." If you feel like he leaves you home all day long to attend the children bring up the issue of possible day care or babysitting. A few hours outside the house would do you great and something as little as that can help your marriage greatly. Just remember to stop suppressing  your feelings to see if your spouse can tell that your unhappy. Speak up, say what you need and what you want. Because if your stubborn what you might just get is a divorce over a situation that could have been prevented.

-PleaseDefineLove.Blogspot.Com

PARTY ROCKERS

I think everyone just LOVES the weekends. No work, no school, hardly no responsibilities. Just you the t.v. and all the junk food you can eat. Or at least that's how it was. But now more than ever it seems like "Friday's" has become the symbolism for party time. All you hear at work, school, and especially on Facebook is "can't wait for Friday to DRINK... Can't wait to go clubbing or Can't wait to get it in." Clubs are said to be places where you go to "have fun," "relax" and "meet new people"..... Fun & relaxing? Really? With all the publicity clubs have gotten, all we have seen is the exact opposite of fun and relaxing.  Lets get REAL, what happens in clubs? You spend all your money on booze, sweat, and half the time get in confrontations 'cuz people act stupid when they drink. What is so fun and relaxing about that? At the end of the day you're broke, with a headache, and no memory of what you did. Yet that's "so EPIC?" Posting up pictures on Facebook of your tits about to hang out, your buddy chugging a whole bottle and you passed out in the corner and underneath all the photos are comments saying"OMG ya didn't invite me" or "Damn that looks like a good time." Maybe its just me but, Whats so appealing about being sloppy and looking skanky? 

In clubs girls always get harassed by men, you're in a crowded area, the music is so loud  you can't hold a conversation and women ask why they can't find a decent man. What type of man are you looking for that holds value and still goes clubbing? Where he's probably grinding on a girl, getting various numbers or just making out on the dance floor. And not to mention you provoking the HELL out of them with dresses and shorts border line showing your asses. And wondering why you always get the bad guys. How you dress and how you display your self is exactly how you're going to be treated.

Now I'm not saying partying is bad, I'm just saying THERE IS NO NEED TO PARTY EVERY WEEKEND. There is no need to get wasted Friday, Saturday and Sunday, there is no reason not to remember what you did or didn't do, and there is no need to spend $200 a night on going to the club. The weekends should be about relaxing, having fun, doing things you cant do on the weekdays. Waking up late, going shopping, or going to the park. How many people have lived in a town or city and haven't been to a landmark? And I'm guilty on this too. Living in NYC I've only been to the the statue of Liberty once, to central park twice and the never to the Empire State Building. Now this is just my opinion, but wouldn't it be better to actually DO SOMETHING fun on the weekend besides clubbing? Since we have already established how non relaxing and how non fun a club can be? What's your opinion? is it just me? Am I the ONLY person that feels this way?

Something More

When I close my eyes at night, I don't want to cry

I don't want to reminisce, I don't want to be in pain

When I close my eyes I want to be happy

I want to be at peace, I want to smile

I need something more

Something new, maybe old

Something you haven't done in a while

I need your attention, I need your strength

I need your love

What Im getting is not good enough

its not satisfying, its not worth it

I'm done with the pain

Im done with the sorrow Im done with the tears

I need something more

PleaseDefineLove.blogspot.com

Because I Love You

Because I love you is why you're beautiful,

It's why you're stunning

It's why you're amazing

Because I love you is why I've changed,

It's why I'm faithful

It's why I'm caring

But it's because you love is why I'm complete,

It's why I'm happy

It's why you were worth it.

PleaseDefineLove.blogspot.com

The Void Never Filled...The Yearn For a Father

To Whom This May Concern,

 

I have memories that have haunted me for years, memories which made me cry every night in bed, memories that dug a hole so deep into my heart that left my life empty… and it all started when I was six.

I was an only child. My whole world consisted of two people, my mom & dad. My mom was an angel and my dad, well my dad was my hero, the defeater of all evil, and for the first six years of my life he reigned as king. He never missed a birthday, he never missed a goodnight kiss, and most importantly he was always at my side when I called. My dad was my best friend.

Now I don’t know when my world fell apart. No matter how much I try to remember, I still don’t have an answer. I knew my parents argued, but things always seemed to be fine the next morning… But I guess it was all an act because a few months after my sixth birthday my dad vanished before my very eyes. No one had prepared me for this….. What happened? For days I was in shock, my little mind could not comprehend what was going on. My dad…. left? Where? Why? When was he coming back?

For a while I stayed in denial, I waited by the door all day, I didn’t get any sleep because I was looking out my window for him. How could he forget about me? …. I thought he loved me? After several weeks it finally sunk in.... he was gone

For months I always kept hope my dad would come back and say “I got lost” or simply “I missed you.” After a while I composed a prayer that went:

Father,

Help me bring back my daddy

Father, save him!

Can’t you see how much I need him?

I will do anything in return; I’ll clean my room,

Try hard at school, I’ll be good! I promise you

Father, I pray to you.

I recited that prayer at least three times a day. Hoping he’d come back. Weeks passed, then months, I finally understood it, he wasn’t coming home, no matter what I said.

            About seven years passed. I stopped waiting for him at the door, no longer did I crawl into my mom’s bed and curl into a ball on what was his side of the bed. I simply accepted that he wasn’t coming back. But just when I thought I overcame this obstacle, my mother calls me into the living room, sat me down, and told me she thought I was old enough to understand what happened……My Dad had left me, for another woman. A woman who he had an affair with, a women 10 years younger than my mom, and whom he got pregnant. “NO” was all I could say, this could not be, I broke down in tears, I refused to believe it! But as quickly as tears fell, they stopped. Rage took over my very soul. All this pain inside of me rekindled. But no longer was it simply pain, it was fury and of the utmost toxic.

            Since that very day I made it my duty to find him, to scream in his face how much he hurt me, how much pain he inflicted on me, how destroyed he left me. How could he do that to me? to my mom? I was only six years old, SIX! The months I cried meant nothing to him, I meant nothing to him, I was nothing to him! Not once did he call! I followed every lead I had, every source of information I had on him, ‘til I hit the jackpot. BINGO. I found him.

            He lived in a small house in Bergen County, New Jersey. I drove two hours to from Rhode Island to his home eager to scream to the seven winds everything to his face. And just as I pulled up I saw him, It was really him, my father, my best friend, my hero, walking out his front door with two young girls in his arms. This was his family. This is what he left me for; this is who he replaced me with. I admit I began to cry. Not only did I begin, I sobbed for about two hour’s straight. By this time he had already left, to work I imagine. I composed myself and thought it over, no matter how much he destroyed me and killed me, these children had nothing to do with it. They probably don’t even know of my existence. I could not cause a scene in front of them.

            So I decided to write a note, as cowardly as it seems, it’s probably the best thing I could have done. Not let that scum of a man even see me, let him hurt inside when he reads this note, on how he killed a child’s life, how he ripped the soul right out of her the day he left. How he left a void so deep inside her that no matter how she tried to fill it just resists to be filled. How she yearned for a father but never got one. How its 15 years too late to ask for forgiveness and it 15 years too late to act like he ever cared. To let him know that I was not six anymore, I don’t believe in knights in shining armor, nor do I believe in a makeshift land where unicorns live. That I know my left from my right, the good from the bad, and my up from my down. How to tie my shoes and how to fight, how to drive a car and how to take care of myself. I’ve grown up a fine woman without his help. And for that I thank you. And to live in peace for I forgive you.

 -TheDaughterYouNeverCaredFor