Moving forward

"Be happy if he's moved on, be caution with the one that "loves" you now, and forget those who have wronged you in the past"

-PleaseDefineLove

The Story of Everyone and Nobody

One day Sally Everyone, Joe Anyone, Sam Nobody and Kathy Somebody were assigned group members for the science fair. At first Everyone was ambitious to start working. But as the weeks went by Everyone started showing up late, thinking Nobody would care. Eventually Everyone assumed that if Anyone didn't do their part Somebody would eventually do it. 

So when the day of the science fair came and Everyone looked at Somebody to see if Anybody did the project. But it turned out that while Everyone though Someone would be the one to do the project, in reality it was Nobody the one that finished the project.

Sometimes we need to stop relaying on other people to do what we know we should do before it comes to bite us.

PleaseDefineLove.blogspot.com

The Absent Husband

           Married three years, dated seven and here I am, with a two-year old child and one on the way. I thought I knew him, I've known him for so long. When we dated he listened, he understood, he gave me his shoulder to cry on. Now... well now its the opposite, he never listens, he doesn't understand and he's the one that makes me cry. When we decided to get married everyone was happy for us. Even a year into marriage he was that kind gentle person I fell in love with, that guy that came home with flowers on a regular Wednesday afternoon, the guy that helped cook, watched T.V. with, laughed with, loved with. But now he's different. Even our friends and family see it. Ever since Kristy was born it's like he doesn't even want to be around me. Sure he works and provides for us but he's never around. He acts like Kristy is a chore, like he can leave and attend her later. He complains about everything. How nasty changing a diaper is, how dirty the house gets, how dinner isn't always done. If he was home more often maybe I could get some help with Kristy so that I could cook and clean. But all he wants to do is be away from me. He's always with his friends, planning activities, going out. Where did that warm heartfelt person I feel in love with go? It's like everyday we fight, everyday we argue but its not like we're dating, we're married and have children. I've gotten to a point where I'm just depressed all the time, I hardly go out, I always have to attend to Kristy by myself plus I'm expecting, its like .... it's like I'm a single parent but with the extra baggage of an non-supportive husband and I don't know what to do.

It's very difficult to get married with a person you thought was going to be the perfect husband and eventually the perfect father and then realized that he didn't live up to your expectations. That he changed, all you guys do is argue. But it's even worse when you have children. Every time you argue, it's the child that is directly affected. Children always sense when things are wrong, they get tense, scared and worried. Many scenarios go through their minds about situations they can't yet comprehend. But here's a reality check....When you got married and thought you were marring the perfect person, that was your biggest mistake, because you have to remember NO MAN is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, even you. When both of you got married you both had expectations for the other person.   This idea that either of you were perfect was an absolute let down that can cause many doubts in one another. Counseling provides you with someone out of your immediate circle to give advise and help guide your marriage from an outside perspective. It is always good to seek counseling no matter how small an issue maybe. Because without counseling a little problem left without being addressed can soon become a great dilemma. It's very hard to admit that you may  have let your husband down, sometimes its even more difficult for a man to admit his wrongs. But if he tries to make things better, don't shut him down, its his way to say "I'm sorry." Today might be a simple gesture or action and then may come the actual words "I'm sorry." If you feel like he leaves you home all day long to attend the children bring up the issue of possible day care or babysitting. A few hours outside the house would do you great and something as little as that can help your marriage greatly. Just remember to stop suppressing  your feelings to see if your spouse can tell that your unhappy. Speak up, say what you need and what you want. Because if your stubborn what you might just get is a divorce over a situation that could have been prevented.

-PleaseDefineLove.Blogspot.Com

Excuses Excuses Excuses!

Top ten excuses women use to stay in dysfunctional relationships

"He Loves me"

"He says he's going to change"

"We have kids together"

"...That was before, he's different now"

"Yea we argue, but what relationship doesn't?"

"He only hit me once, he was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing"

"He would never lie to me"

"He cheated on me before, but he's 100% committed now"

"Nobody knows him like me, he's just going through a difficult time"

"I Love Him"

There is no excuse for anyone to feel the need to stay in a dysfunctional relationship. Love does not cause harm, love is not jealousy and certainly love is NOT abuse. Denial is not the answer. The fact is if a relationship is not working out then its time to go separate ways. Don't hold on to false illusions. You should be number one in a mans life. If you feel neglected, abused and hurt, leave him! So many women stay in relationships because they think they're in love, but in fact they are blinded by lies. With excuses that eventually he'll change, that he's trying. The truth is that no matter how hard you try to change someone, the other person has to give forth effort. And if a man really loved you , you wouldn't have to force him to change, he would change because he loves you and wants to make you happy. Take control of your relationship TODAY. Its either make it or break it, it's been too long to give third and forth opportunities. Along will come a man that will really value you, and who knows, maybe it will be the same man you left that really self evaluated his life without you and decided to change.

PleaseDefinelove.blogspot.com